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10 Premier League Players & Their "Spotify Wrapped"

10 Premier League Players & Their "Spotify Wrapped"
Photo by Sebastiaan Chia / Unsplash

Do you feel personally victimized by your "Spotify Wrapped?"

Because honestly, no one asked how many hours you spent listening to "Shaboozey" or how many tears you wept while singing along to "I Can Do It With A Broken Heart."

I listen to music constantly while I work. But instead of music with lyrics, I gravitate towards instrumental movie soundtracks or white noise–because as a copywriter, listening to people sing words while I'm trying to write words is distracting. Hence, Spotify told me I'm in the top 0.001% of users who listened to the most "Moody Rain" playlists ... as if I'm some kind of psychotic freak.

Anyway, to make all of us feel better, I've reimagined what 10 of your favorite Premier League players' Top 5 Songs on Spotify might look like this year.

Happy listening!

Beats

Erling Haaland

  1. "Stay" by Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko
  2. "HUMBLE" by Kendrick Lamar
  3. "Eh, Eh (Nothing Else I Can Say)" by Lady Gaga
  4. "Karma Police" by Radiohead
  5. "Valhalla Calling" by Miracle of Sound

Your Context: Erling Haaland was a prolific goalscorer for Manchester City early in the season. But ever since he (now, infamously) told Arsenal manager Mikel Arteta to "stay humble, eh" after their match ended in a tie, both he and City have struggled for form.

Chelsea FC via AP

Cole Palmer

  1. "Cold as Ice" by Foreigner
  2. "Chilly" by NIKI
  3. "Panenka" by Thomas Klus
  4. "Your Time Is Gonna Come" by Led Zeppelin
  5. "Chippy Chips" by Chevron

Your Context: Young Cole Palmer bided his time on the bench at Manchester City, before being traded to Chelsea and learning that revenge is a dish served ice cold. The second best dish? Chippy chips, duh.

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Andre Onana

  1. "What's My Name (Oh Na Na)" by Rihanna ft. Drake
  2. "Drop The Ball" by Anthrax
  3. "Losing Sleep" by John Newman
  4. "Where Did It All Go Wrong" by Oasis
  5. "When The Party's Over" by Billie Eilish

Your Context: The goalkeeper at Manchester United, Andre Onana has made headlines for less-than-flattering reasons as the Red Devils have weathered two tough seasons. Recently, United fired their manager Erik Ten Hag, who'd originally pushed for Onana to come to England from his old club, AFC Ajax.

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James Maddison

  1. "Magic" by Coldplay
  2. "My Girlfriend Is A Witch" by October Country
  3. "Hedwig's Theme (Theme from Harry Potter)" by John Williams
  4. "Do You Know? (The Ping Pong Song)" by Enrique Iglesias
  5. "Left Out" by Shinedown

Your Context: James Maddison is famously obsessed with "Harry Potter," if you couldn't already tell by his three Harry Potter-themed tattoos. Oh, and also it was very sad when ex-England manager Gareth Southgate iced him out of the 2024 England Euros squad this summer.

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Rodri

  1. "Wonderful" by Vinnie Who
  2. "We Are The Champions" by Queen
  3. "On Top Of The World" by Imagine Dragons
  4. "PRAY" by Vini Vini & Guss V
  5. "Taking What's Not Yours" by TV Girl

Your Context: One of the biggest controversies of 2024 was Manchester City's Rodri being named Ballon d'Or winner over Real Madrid's Vinicius Jr. The Real Madrid team was so mad they boycotted the entire ceremony, forcing the rest of the footballing world to take sides (Rodri or Vini Jr).

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Enzo Fernandez

  1. "Nobody Gets Me" by SZA
  2. "I'm Not Racist" by Joyner Lucas
  3. "99 Problems" by Jay-Z
  4. "Unfair" by The Neighbourhood
  5. "Sorry" by Justin Bieber

Your Context: Enzo Fernandez landed in hot water this past summer when footage aired of him singing racist chants after Argentina won the Copa America. This angered his Chelsea teammates, not to mention the French Football Federation. Enzo publicly apologized and donated money to an anti-discrimination organization.

Tony O Brien / Reuters

Mo Salah

  1. "Take Your Shirt Off" by T-Pain
  2. "Mo Money Mo Problems" by The Notorious B.I.G
  3. "All I Do Is Win" by DJ Khaled
  4. "Not Too Young Not Too Old" by Aaron Carter
  5. "MVP" by Ludacris

Your Context: Perhaps one of my favorite things about Mo Salah, Egyptian king, record breaker, and living Liverpool legend, is that he's received 9 yellow cards throughout his career, and 5 of them were for taking off his shirt.

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Emiliano "Dibu" Martinez

  1. "Shake It Off" by Taylor Swift
  2. "Can't Tell Me Nothing" by Kanye West
  3. "Like Messi" by 3409
  4. "Haters" by TLC
  5. "Mind Games" by John Lennon

Your Context: Dibu comes alive in an Argentina shirt, as he feels his purpose in life is to help Messi win at all costs. Another Copa America win, more shot-stopping magic, and lots of mind games in the penalty box make this 'keeper one of the league's most exciting to watch.

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Martin Odegaard

  1. "2nd Sucks" by A Day To Remember
  2. "Rise Up" by Andra Day
  3. "Second Best" by Barenaked Ladies
  4. "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey
  5. "Stronger" by Kanye "Ye" West

Your Context: It pains me to remind readers that Arsenal have finished in second place these last two seasons–despite playing their hearts out and being captained by the immensely talented and majestic Martin Odegaard.

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Chris Wood

  1. "Look At Me Now" by Chris Brown
  2. "Doubt" by Mary J. Blige
  3. "Offside" by Kush Mink
  4. "Watch Me (Whip/ Nae Nae)" by Silentó
  5. "Mama We Made It" by Migos

Your Context: Nottingham Forest striker Chris Wood is enjoying his most prolific goalscoring season to date, ranking third for most goals scored only behind Mo Salah and Erling Haaland. Alas! He also ranks second for most offside goals in the league (13), behind Dominic Calvert-Lewin.