Gameweek 2: The Headlines

Week 2 and it feels like the Premier League never even left us.

There was lots of action on the pitch this week–and lots of talk off it too, as teams and players scrambled to get their ducks in order ahead of the transfer deadline.

This week saw me stress-sleep through ~60 minutes of the much-hyped Aston Villa-Arsenal match, bemoan the bleak state of affairs over at Goodison Park, giggle over Noni Madueke's antics, and absorb every word of Mikel Merino's new Arsenal interviews with rapt attention.

Football! It really brings out all my emotions! Sort of like conference calls at work (but also not really).

Without further ado, here are your biggest talking points.

It was the best of games ...

In the 2023-2024 season, Arsenal lost to Aston Villa twice. Considering Arsenal only lost 5 times in the whole season, that's like...

[frantically tries to do math]

... a big percentage of their losses!

Had Arsenal won just one of those matches, they would have won the title.

This week's Arsenal-Aston Villa match-up at Villa Park was therefore billed as the Gunners' chance for revenge. I happen to love revenge stories, but mostly only when I can flip to the end of the book or pull up the Wikipedia page and clarify that yes, indeed, the hero does triumph.

Because I could not do either of those things here, I chose to take a nap.

Happily for Gooners everywhere, Leo Trossard's 67th minute goal put Arsenal ahead, and they never looked back. Thomas Partey's 77th minute goal added gloss to the victory, and by the 80th minute, I'd emerged from my stress cocoon.

So, what does this tell us?

It's only week 2, meaning it's way too early to share philosophical takeaways and predictions. However, given Aston Villa presented a psychological barrier for Arsenal last season, this was significant breakthrough.

Couple the victory with Arsenal's most recent signing–Real Sociedad's Mikel Merino–and the Gunners are sending a clear message to their title rivals in Manchester.

... and the worst

Though Arsenal did eventually beat Aston Villa, much of the game was tense and cagey. Villa played really well, with striker Ollie Watkins forcing a world-class save from David Raya to keep Arsenal in the game.

As we all know, football is a game of fine margins.

Except when it's not.

The latter was true at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, where Spurs thrashed Everton 4-0. In just 2 games, Everton has conceded 7 goals and scored 0. Unsurprisingly, they languish bottom of the table on goal difference.

I briefly mentioned Everton's woes last week, but I'm growing more concerned for the Toffees. This week saw the normally reliable Everton 'keeper Jordon Pickford make an uncharacteristic blunder, gifting Tottenham striker Son Heung-min the ball in front of goal. Compounding difficulties on the pitch is the fact that Everton is attempting to dig itself out of a financial hole, and can't afford to pay for players that will improve the existing squad.

Manager Sean Dyche told media, "It's tough to come here to Spurs and it's tougher with a thin squad. I don't like making excuses but that's a fact. ... Until I'm told different there isn't any finance to go and change things."

A horrible video later went viral, showing Everton fans congregating at the train station and yelling abuse at the players as they departed for Merseyside. This behavior has largely been condemned, but it's awful to see even a small sector of people engaging in the abuse. TW for anyone watching, please.

Everton striker Neal Maupay (who didn't play in the match) hit back at fans on social media.

"Imagine another job where it’s [normalized] to get abuse like this. Hanging around at a train station to scream at men who are trying their best," he wrote.

Let this be a good reminder to all of us to practice kindness.

Are the Cityzens unstoppable?

In stark contrast to the Toffees are the Cityzens. No one is infallible, but Manchester City FC might be close.

When Ipswich took a shock lead at the Etihad on Saturday, City responded emphatically with three goals in four minutes. Oof.

Everyone's favorite Norwegian viking, Erling Haaland, also got his 7th Premier League hat trick to date. The game ended 4-1. OOF.

It was another typically dominant display by the best football team in modern history.

But does it herald a five-peat for the boys in blue? Hard to tell. There's just something about Arsenal that makes pundits think this year is our year.

Mayhem at Molineux

Let's depart Manchester for a moment.

Travel south with me to the land of the West Midlands, a deeply historical place known for its entrepreneurial spirit and manufacturing prowess. Doesn't that sound nice?! Sadly, a visit to the area didn't manage to impress Chelsea's Noni Madueke.

A day before the game with Wolves, the 22-year-old winger took to Instagram and tagged the city of Wolverhampton. "Everything about this place is s***," he wrote.

Gen Zer he may be, but this was a big swing-and-a-miss for Noni on social. When you're insulting a whole city, you're only allowed to talk s*** on your private channels, not your public ones.

Unsurprisingly, Wolves fans booed Noni whenever he touched the ball. Surprisingly (and unfortunately for them), he scored his first-ever Premier League hat trick!

Noni was undoubtedly the star of the show, but Mr. Cold Palmer also gets a special mention for assisting all three of Noni's goals and coolly chipping one in after he saw the keeper out of position. brr!

After the match, Noni apologized for his social media gaffe.

"I just want to [apologize] to everyone that I might have offended," he said. "It is just a human mistake, an accident. It wasn't meant to be out on my socials like that. I'm sure Wolverhampton is a nice town and I'm sorry."

For the record, Wolverhampton is a city, not a town.

Transfer Talk

Amidst all the on-the-pitch drama, transfer rumors continue to swirl ahead of the Friday deadline. Will Jadon Sancho make it out of Manchester? What's going to happen to Raheem Sterling? Ditto Eddie Nketiah and Aaron Ramsdale. It begs the question: Is Arsenal going to sign another striker?

Honestly, I wouldn't know. All the Arsenal fan accounts I follow have me thoroughly confused, with the latest rumor claiming that Arsenal is on the verge of signing Liverpool's Darwin Nunez.

Buckle up, because things are changing faster than Jennifer Lopez's love life. To everyone invested in the transfer game: May the odds be ever in your favor.