Gameweek 32: The Headlines

If you feel like you just heard from me, you did. Lucky you!

Schedules get extra finicky at the end of the season. West Ham and Aston Villa have currently played 32 games; others, like Chelsea, have only played 30. This translates to a delightful mishmash of mid-week games as the EPL plays catch-up. It's a great excuse for all of us to move our afternoon meetings, rejigger some deadlines, and put the kettle on.

And this tea is piping hot. Here's the spill.

James Ward-Prowse's olimpico

How a season changes things, especially for West Ham's James Ward-Prowse! A year ago, James was tied to the sinking ship that was Southampton; today, he's got 6 goals and 7 assists for the Hammers. Even better, he's playing for a team that's actually got a shot at Europe. Go off, Prowsey.

But most impressive of all? James can now officially say he's done something that not even the infallible Lionel Messi has achieved.

He's scored an olimpico.

For those who don't know (and I didn't), an olimpico is a goal in which the person taking a corner kick scores directly. So no balls in the box, just a casual boot from the corner, and voila! Magic.

Not all goals are created equal. James' olimpico puts him in the esteemed company of Thierry Henry and David Beckham, among others.

As the Premier League's reigning set-piece man, it seems fitting that James would be the man to make olimpico fetch again, but his teammates didn't exactly give credit where credit was due.

Manager David Moyes seemed to think the wind deserved lots of kudos. "I'm going to praise James for it because of his technical ability but I also think there was ... a bit of blustery wind, which may have helped," he said.

And goalkeeper Lucasz Fabianski agreed. "I think the conditions played a bit into what happened with that goal," he added.

You can check me, but I'm pretty sure no one credited the wind for Beckham/Henry's olimpicos. Who knew there was a legit reason behind the phrase "bend it like beckham" that had nothing to do with the 2002 movie?

Burnley's woes continue

Another week, another low for Burnley.

This week was a crucial match for the Clarets, as they faced fellow strugglers in Everton. Unfortunately, Burnley weathered yet another defensive catastrophe in as goalkeeper Arijanet Muric opted for a short pass when pressed by Everton striker Dominic Calvert-Lewin. Muric took too long and Dom blocked the ball, which ricocheted back into the Burnley net.

1-0 Everton.

It's far from the only goalie mistake this season. Think Arsenal's Aaron Ramsdale's howler against Brentford, or Sheffield's Ivo Grbic's terrible error against Liverpool.

The difference is that Burnley's goalie mistake epitomizes a season plagued by errors at the back and front.

Cue defender Dara O'Shea being sent off in the second half, marking Burnley's 7th red card this season. That's two more red cards than any other team in the league.

And it's not so much karate kick lunges as Burnley players overcompensating for their lack of technical skills. These red cards are coming because they mishandle balls, and then over-correct with sloppy tackles or badly-timed lunges.

Sadly, Burnley manager Vincent Kompany appears to be joining the ranks of former successful players who think that because they could score goals, they can teach others to do so, too.

It's not that simple, though. Just ask Stevie G.

Or Frankie.

Best of luck in the Championship, Vince. Maybe we'll see you again next year?

Celebrating the Hatters

While Burnley struggled this week, their newly-promoted counterparts Luton FC netted a huge win against Bournemouth.

Karma proved that she's a bad b***h, as Luton sealed the win in the dying minutes of the game after going 1-0 down, just like Bournemouth initially went down and rallied to beat Luton in the reverse fixture.

Besides the visiting Bournemouth fans, I don't know anybody who wasn't happy for Luton striker Carlton Morris after he scored the winner.

I realize my bias is showing. But I've gone from making fun of Luton (whose stadium entrance is situated in someone's literal backyard) to googling their football jerseys. It's a testament to the fact they play with courage and grit, even when outclassed.

This is a monumental win for the Hatters because Everton was just docked an additional 2 points for flouting Financial Fair Play rules. 18th place Luton now sit behind 17th place Nottingham Forest on goal difference alone, and within striking distance of the Toffees.

The Hatters have everything to play for, and it's shaping up to be a nail biter of a relegation battle as Luton fights for its life in the Premier League.

A spotlight on KDB

It's been a weird season for Manchester City's KDB (Kevin de Bruyne). Widely regarded as one of the greatest players of his generation, the midfielder has been injured for the past few months.

That's given Kevin lots of time to work on his hair.

And at 37 years old, there are lots of question marks about KDB's future as a footballer.

The late 30s is a time when those with corporate jobs break into the upper echelons of middle management and let a little bit of power go to their heads. It's also a time when those in football think about hanging up their boots for good ... unless they're Cristiano Ronaldo and determined to prove that moving to Saudi's Al-Nassr was a thoughtful, well-reasoned choice.

But before he goes, Kevin wants to put on a show. This was evident in the Crystal Palace game, when Kevin scored two goals and teed up another for Erling Haaland.

Kevin may be old but he still knows where the bottom corner of the net is.

Even so, Saturday's performance was a stunning one in a season full of inconsistency.

Kevin was a ghost in City's recent fixture against Arsenal; conversely, he's been the creative force behind some of his team's wins (for example this one and the Newcastle game back in January, where he came off the bench to net a goal and an assist).

City manager Pep Guardiola likes to rotate his squad, so fans never really know if they're going to get KDB or Phil Foden in midfield. Despite his showstopper of a weekend game, KDB's illness meant he was ineligible to play in Tuesday's Champions League clash against Real Madrid.

Here's hoping he can play in the next leg, because we should all enjoy Kevin before he becomes truly old and wizened. You know, like next year.

The title race

I talk about the title race a lot, but it's a Big Deal. The last three-horse race came a decade ago in 2013-2014 and this season's run-in sees Liverpool, Manchester City, and Arsenal all in tremendous form, all neck-in-neck. Just one point separate the trio, with Arsenal top on goal difference.

This weekend provided a turning point in the race as previous leaders Liverpool dropped points to a beleaguered Manchester United away at Old Trafford.

No longer is this the Theatre of Dreams. It's become more like a Theatre of Calamity, where at any second, a beam could come crashing down on center stage to knock out Rasmus Hojlund or Alejandro Garnacho. Or, the more likely scenario is that Harry Maguire scores an own goal.

At any point in any game, United players look like they could either score 3 goals or concede 5. Sometimes, both things happen at once.

In this weekend's game, Liverpool was by far the better team. OptaJoe can tell you all about it.

Despite generating less than one expected goals, United somehow scored two, one of them coming thanks to a defensive catastrophe by Liverpool. It's a scoreline that doesn't reflect Liverpool's dominance, but us Gooners aren't complaining! In fact, it might be the only time we thank United.

There are just seven games to go — at least for the top three — until we crown a new champion.

And in the meantime, every point counts.