Gameweek 33: The Headlines

In a weekend where both Liverpool and Arsenal needed to be flawless, they let us down. For everyone else who yelled "Shoot it!" and "How did he miss?" at the TV as if they're capable of doing any better, I see you.

Research tells us that being a passionate sports fan can negatively impact health, and I'm taking my minor bout of depression as confirmation.

It's advantage to the blue half of Manchester, now.

As for the red half, that's a different story.

The wheels come off in Manchester (the red part)

Do you remember when Manchester United won the treble? It was in 1999, back when David Beckham had piece-y blonde highlights and hadn't yet completed his tattoo sleeves.

Oh, how times change.

If winning the treble was the peak of the club's achievements, then this feels like the nadir.

On Saturday, Manchester United tied Bournemouth 2-2, a scoreline that didn't reflect their glaring issues. United frequently gave away the ball, and their back line had more in common with Swiss cheese (in holes, not flavor) than a world-class defense.

Somewhere in Glasgow, Sir Alex is crying.

But the real drama came after the lackluster action on the pitch had ended. In his post-match press conference, United manager Erik Ten Hag was critical of his teenage winger, Alejandro Garnacho, whom he'd subbed off at halftime. When asked about his decision to take off Garnacho, Ten Hag told media, "I think we had to repair ... the right side [where Garnacho was]. We didn't play well, the spaces were there. In possession, we had to bring a sub there."

He's a Gen Zer, so Garnacho's not one to let a little pettiness go by unanswered. The Argentine hit back by liking a series of tweets that criticized his manager.

The tweets in question from Mark Goldbridge:

But did Garnacho think Ten Hag was just going to let that kind of social media sass slide? Nah. Ten Hag's turtlenecks are way too tight for a man who goes with the flow.

Ten Hag has reportedly held "talks" with Garnacho about his actions, and the winger has since unliked the tweets. Per Manchester Evening News, "A United spokesperson said the matter was dealt with internally but declined to clarify whether Garnacho has been outright disciplined."

IDK. It kinda feels like Garnacho should be ringing up Jadon Sancho right about now, so Sancho can tell him what not to do.

Then again, Sancho's Dortmund side has made it to the semifinals of the Champion's League while United were kicked out in the group stages, so who's really laughing here?

The icing on the cake was Ten Hag storming out of the same press conference in which he trashed Garnacho.

According to Yahoo! Sports, the Dutchman was asked, "Erik, there's a danger you could get caught in seventh place, and if you fall below seventh that would be the worst finish in Premier League history for United."

To which Ten Hag got up of his chair and pled "no comment." Cheers to professionalism, y'all.

Chelsea players fight over penalty

And lest you think that all of the pettiness is centered in Manchester, I come with good tidings! Back in London, Chelsea played host to a woeful Everton, in a game which had plenty of petty squabbling to entertain any viewer.

Chelsea demolished Everton 6-0. But rather than focusing on Chelsea's surfeit of goals (which hasn't been the norm in these parts), attention turned to Noni Madueke, Nicholas Jackson, and Cole Palmer, all of whom got into a fight over who would take their penalty.

From Madueke spinning the ball behind his back to keep it from Palmer, to Jackson jumping into the fray with all the finesse of an angry dinosaur, to Connor Gallagher doing his best to calm everyone down, this was the epitome of backyard shenanigans.

Keep in mind Chelsea was 4-0 up at the time.

I guess when the goals were freely flowing, everyone wanted one. The hilarious thing is that Palmer ended up taking the penalty, even though he was already on a hat trick.

Chelsea's best player is really chasing the Golden Boot record now. The asterisk on that record is that nearly half of his goals have come from penalties.

Palmer doesn't care though, just as he didn't seem to give too much thought to the on-field disagreement.

As for manager Mauricio Pochettino, he wasn't "laughing and joking" with the lads. "For me, it is a shame. We cannot behave in this way. I told them that this was the last time that I will accept this type of behavior," he said.

Maybe Mauricio can take some cues from Mr. Ten Hag, disciplinarian that he is.

Morgan Gibbs-White takes on Wolves

The shenanigans never stop! This week, we also saw major drama in the Nottingham Forest-Wolves game (which ended in a tie). Most of the headlines were about Forest midfielder, Morgan Gibbs-White.

Let's back up a sec, though — back to when Morgan Gibbs-White used to play at Wolves. He left the club in 2022 when Nottingham Forest offered a boatload of money for him. As The Mirror noted, fans didn't feel that Gibbs-Whites' performance at the time was worthy of the sum; more importantly, they didn't like the fact that he was so eager to leave Wolves.

So, you can say the relationship was fraught.

Fast forward to January 2023, when Gibbs-White scored in the Carabao Cup against his former team, and taunted traveling Wolves fans by celebrating with his fingers in his ears. Gibbs-White later defended his celebration, telling The Athletic, "There are things I could've done better on the field but Wolves wasn't the club for me. I said a nice farewell and they were giving me stick. It's only right to give it back. ... You want to prove a point ... and I thrive off getting stick."

This weekend, we saw a repeat. Gibbs-White once again scored against Wolves. Once again, he celebrated in front of the fans with his fingers in his ears.

And once again, it didn't go down well.

The title race

Wave goodbye to the shenanigans. Now, it's time for the real headline.

Liverpool's home loss to Crystal Palace shocked their supporters and the collective football world. Arsenal's home loss to Aston Villa also had huge ramifications for one of the tightest title races in Premier League history.

With two of the three leaders dropping points in one weekend, it puts Manchester City two points clear at the top of the table. But is it really over?

The short answer: it does look a little bleak for anyone other than City to win the league. Opta gives the defending champs a 70% likelihood to win again.

Depressing, I know. If City win, they'll have won 5 out of the last 6 titles.

Both Liverpool's narrative — that of sending off their beloved manager on a high note — and Arsenal's — a young, gutsy team finally conquering their demons and winning the league after a 20 year drought — is more exciting to me than City's.

But all hope is not lost!

It's football, after all. And that means anything can happen.