The Arsenal Team Group Chat: Martin Odegaard Baby Shower Edition

ICYMI, lots of footballers are having babies.

Pre-pregnancy, I scrolled past all the baby shower photos and "Welcome to the world, baby XX!" announcements on IG – but I'm way more interested in everyone else's baby stories now.

Did you know Jack Grealish just became a dad? Wild to think about, but congrats dude.

In October, Erling Haaland announced his new dad-to-be status in the most footballer-esque way I can think of.

But by far, the most exciting (to me personally, anyway) was the news that Martin Odegaard and Helene Spilling are expecting their first child.

I have zero chill when it comes to Martin and Helene. Helene is beautiful, but unlike a lot of footballers' significant others, she seems very nice and approachable. My brother's girlfriend and I agree that if Helene knew us IRL, we'd all be friends. Also, Martin is my favorite Arsenal player.

Hence I have been excitedly checking socials daily to see if/when Helene has had her baby. I also set up Google alerts. Like I said, zero chill.

As we all eagerly–me, most of all–await baby "Martene's" arrival, I had some fun envisioning what the Arsenal group chat may have looked like as they planned Martin and Helene's baby shower.

Keep scrolling to read my take. Enjoy!

The Arsenal Team Text Chain (September 2024)

Kai Havertz (KH): Hey, guys. We're going to be throwing Martin and Helene a baby shower on October 6, a day after the Southampton game. Who's in?

Gabriel Martinelli (GM): Sorry, the missus and I make plans for Sunday. Can we do next week?

KH: No, Sophia and I are going to the farm to visit the donkeys next weekend. Already booked.

KH: Martinelli, can you reschedule?

Martinelli disliked this message.

Emile Smith-Rowe (ESR): I'll be there! What time?

Reiss Nelson: Me too, mate.

KH: S*** sorry, this is just for the Arsenal first team. I need to update this contact list. We'll hang out another time, OK?

Emile Smith-Rowe disliked this message. Reiss Nelson disliked this message.

William Saliba (WS): Smizrooooo!

Declan Rice (Dec): Miss you, bro!

ESR: 🥺

KH: Dec, Wilo, can you guys come to the baby shower?

William Saliba questioned this message.

KH: ??

William Saliba questioned this message.

WS: I talk to Gabi first to see if he goes.

Gabriel Magalhaes liked this message.

Gabriel Magalhaes (GM): We can bring the kids?

KH: Yeah, of course! Maya can come.

Raheem Sterling loved this message. Gabriel Jesus loved this message. Gabriel Magalhaes loved this message.

Raheem Sterling (RS):

Dec: Sorry bro, Mason Mount and I are golfing on Sunday.

Ben White (Blanco): Why do you hang out with him? He's such a loser.

Dec: Bro, come on. At least he showed up for the England squad.

Blanco disliked this message. Martinelli disliked this message. William Saliba disliked this message. Gabriel Magalhaes disliked this message.

Jorginho emphasized this message.

Jorginho (J): What's the dress code?

KH: Casual. Whatever you want.

Jorginho:

Blanco disliked this image. Martinelli disliked this image. William Saliba disliked this image. Gabriel Magalhaes disliked this image.

KH: ...

J: Or maybe this one is better?

Blanco disliked this image. Martinelli disliked this image. William Saliba disliked this image. Gabriel Magalhaes disliked this image. Bukayo Saka disliked this image.

Riccardo Calafiori loved this image.

GM: My god.

Riccardo Calafiori (RC): You look great, bro.

Jorginho loved this message.

Bukayo Saka (BS): I'm in. Are we bringing gifts?

J: My presence is the gift. Ha ha!

BS: Here's what I'm bringing:

Gabriel Magalhaes liked this message.

WS: 🌶️🌶️🌶️

Jakub Kiwior (JK): Can babies even have hot sauce?

GM: Maya does.

Blanco: Definitely not.

J: I eat spicy arrabbiata sauce when I was one years old!

Riccardo Calafiori loved this message.

RC:

Blanco: Explains a lot.

KH: OK, so Bukayo is coming. Gabi and Wilo yes. Jorginho yes. Martinelli no. Dec no. Who else? Ben, are you tanning or can you come?

Three hours later

Jurrien Timber (JT): I'll be there.

Kai Havertz loved this message.

KH: Thanks JT!

Two days later

Raheem Sterling (RS): I'll be there. Gonna cook something 🔥.

JT: Those dinosaur arms can cook?

JT:

RS: These arms cooked up more trophies than you got!

Bukayo Saka loved this image. Jorgino loved this image. Kai Havertz loved this image.

Mikel Merino (MM): Sorry, I was traveling and I'm just seeing this now. I'll be there. Excited to celebrate Martin and the baby! Should we all coordinate our gifts and make sure we're bringing different/useful things for the parents to-be?

Two hours later

MM: guys?

Five hours later

MM: I talked to Martin and he told me they already have a crib and a rocking chair. I'm thinking about buying them a stroller.

Leandro Trossard (LT): Found one.

Leandro Trossard: Ships tomorrow.

Four hours later.

J: I decide to get the baby a Swarovski crystal tennis bracelet with an engraving of its name.

William Saliba liked this. Gabriel Magalhaes liked this. Gabriel Martinelli liked this.

Mikel Merino questioned this. Blanco questioned this.

BS: Bro, how do you even know what its name is?!

J: I just guess. Ha ha!

Blanco:

Blanco: Oh my god.

Martin Odegaard (MO): Hey, guys! I'm not sure if I was supposed to be in this group text or not, but I wanted to let everyone know I appreciate the kind thoughts.

MO: Also, Helene and I actually got married in secret last week. Surprise! Instead of a baby shower, we're just doing a low-key party and you're all invited. Hope to see everyone there!

Martinelli loved this. Riccardo Calafiori loved this. William Saliba loved this. Gabriel Magalhaes loved this. Bukayo Saka loved this. Declan Rice loved this. Raheem Sterling loved this. Gabriel Jesus loved this. Jakub Kiwior loved this. Leandro Trossard loved this.

Kai Havertz loved this.

KH: For f***'s sake.

KH: Congrats!!

Martin Odegaard liked this.

MO: Also, is David Raya in this chat? I don't see him...

Dec:

David Raya has been added to the chat.

David Raya (DR): Hey guys! What's up? What are we talking about?