A very serious analysis of how 5+ Premier League players can maximize their careers after they retire

I've been interested in athlete finances ever since I saw a stat reporting that roughly 40% of EPL players file for bankruptcy within 5 years of retiring. When you consider the fact that the EPL is the best-paid league in the world, with even teenage academy players taking home thousands of pounds per week, this feels ... odd.

I guess it has to do with the instability and limited shelf-life of their career. As a Premier League player, you could be sitting pretty one season and booted the next. Say buh-bye to that sweet paycheck!

And unless you're an anomaly like Thiago Silva who's still kicking it (albeit poorly) at Chelsea aged 39, you might only have a handful of years under your belt before you're put out to pasture.

To say nothing of pulling a Mario Balotelli and getting shipped off to the far-off regions of Turkey for bad behavior.

No one ever said being a professional footballer was a smart, stable choice. It's as fleeting as we all wish our 9-5 desk jobs were, and its difficulties are compounded by the fact this bunch wouldn't know how to spell "financial literacy," let alone practice it.

The good news is that there's plenty of other career paths for players after they hang up their boots. Pundit, commentator, manager, sporting director, you name it.

That's where I've done a very thorough and analytical analysis to help advise on the future career paths of some of our favorite players.

Declan Rice

Declan Rice has always been an entertainer. Even in the early days of his career at West Ham, he was delivering quality content like this.

Since then, he's only ramped it up a notch. Clearly, Dec was born for the stage.

^^The breath control. The sunglasses. The mic drop. Are you telling me you wouldn't buy tickets to this man's concert?

Nor is Dec afraid to bust a move when the moment calls for it.

Also ... whatever this is.

At 25 years old, Dec is one of the best midfielders in the world. Barring any unexpected injuries or setbacks, he's got plenty of time left in his football career.

As for his second act, I've got no worries. Dec would be a great fit as a guest judge on "The X Factor," or alternately, "Dancing with the Stars." I fully expect him to show up at a Super Bowl and/or make a surprise onstage appearance at a Taylor Swift concert.

Maybe he'll host his own talk show or curate a line of deeply-fabulous outerwear. I'm sure I'd whip out my credit card for whatever he's selling. Buyer's remorse? Don't know her.

The bottom line: talent like this will always have their pick of options.

Phil Foden

Don't let that eyebrow slit, the Cernucci jewelry, or his Slim Shady-era buzz cut fool you. Underneath all the latest fads, Phil Foden is really just a simple lad a heart.

When he's not on the pitch, give the man a bucket hat and a fishing pole and he's a happy camper. In fact, Phil is so dedicated to the local population of bass and rainbow trout that he was off fishing with his dad instead of celebrating City's 2018 title win.

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And in this way, Phil knows he's unique. "Probably about 95% of the football lads don't enjoy [fishing]," he admitted. "The odd one likes fishing, so when people find out they say: 'what a weird sport to enjoy.' They don't understand why you enjoy it."

I love this for Phil. It's a wholesome hobby in a digital age where buying expensive cars, watches, and clothes — not to mention maintaining multiple girlfriends — seem to be the go-to extracurricular activities for athletes.

Anyone who's watched "Together: Treble Winners" on Netflix can intuit that Phil's not as comfy in front of the cameras as say ... Jack Grealish.

But hey, a lack of social IQ never stopped "River Monsters'" Jeremy Wade!

Maybe Jeremy will take on Phil as an apprentice and they'll launch a new series, journeying to the jungles of India in search of the elusive Goonch. (I kid; that episode already aired.)

Or maybe Phil will host fishing expeditions for the next generation of footballing talent who love the world's most relaxing sport. How about aquatic biology? Does anyone know if the fisheries in Manchester are hiring?

Whatever he chooses, Phil is probably off the hook when it comes to punditry.

James Maddison

As a player, Tottenham's James Maddison is known for his strength in possession. Call it "the magic touch" because this attacking midfielder is also a Harry Potter super fan.

He even has multiple Harry Potter tattoos. Peep James' Platform 9 3/4 inking, along with Harry's scar and the Elder Wand.

These are not the casual actions of someone who's watched the movies and read the books and can hold his own in a conversation about the series' best characters. (Sirius Black, duh.)

No, this goes far beyond that.

If Madders was single, this would be Red Flag #1 on his Tinder page. However, his partner, Kennedy Alexa, is totally cool with it.

This is a good thing for everyone, because Madders' obsession with Harry Potter is on par with Mr. Weasley's obsession with Muggles.

Cue James choosing "Harry Potter" as his specialist topic for a piece of Spurs media content and doing surprisingly well.

On a separate occasion, James spoke to Amazon Prime Video's Ben Foster and admitted that he "could never" meet Daniel Radcliffe, the actor who played Harry Potter in the films. "I don't ever want to meet Daniel," he said. "He's Harry Potter to me. He's like my hero. Every year I watch all the films at Christmas. My mates and my family say, 'do you not get a bit bored if you watch it every year?'"

This conversation came on the heels of Ben discovering that James had Daniels' authentic wand from the films sitting on his kitchen table, along with an autograph from the actor.

Friendly reminder that James is a massively successful footballer who plays for one of the Big Six Premier League clubs, as well as the England national team. Daniel is an actor who once played a character with an equine fascination, something that apparently necessitated stripping down on-stage.

Being a Harry Potter fan isn't a prerequisite for most jobs. But it could be. For example, Cosmo informed me of 8 different Harry Potter jobs that are as real as You-Know-Who.

The unpaid internship at MuggleNet is my favorite.

Cristiano Ronaldo

You know Cristiano Ronaldo even if you don't really know football. Like Tom Brady, the 39-year-old believes that aging doesn't apply to him.

So far, so good, though.

CR7's quest for immortality involves a high-protein diet (courtesy of his dietician), cryo therapy, heat therapy, regular workouts, and a truly bizarre sleep schedule.

Rather than sleeping solely at night, CR7 takes five 90-minute naps throughout a 24-hour period to recharge. Per SportBible, he also sleeps in the fetal position because ... marginal gains.

Same.

The Al-Nassr striker typically sleeps from around 10PM to midnight and again from 3am to 5am before waking up. This is in addition to three other naps throughout the day.

Cristiano subscribes to Professor Nick Littlehales' theory on sleep. The "leading sport sleep coach" wrote a book called "Sleep: The Myth of 8 Hours, the Power of Naps ... and the New Plan to Recharge Your Body and Mind." You can read it if you don't have a job and possess the flexibility to spend your afternoons in bed.

According to SportBible, Cristiano's naps are working out for him just fine, thank you very much. At 39, he has the physical body of a 23-year-old (read: 7% fat and 50% muscle).

Unfortunately, this kind of strict sleep regimen limits his future career choices. Maybe he'll succeed as a bed tester? Sleep studies will also shell out some good cash to scientific research subjects, though a few grand doesn't touch Cristiano's current mind-boggling salary.

BRB. Gonna go take a nap.

Kieran Trippier et al

Unlike fishing, gaming is a time-honored tradition for footballers. In 2018, Newcastle United captain Kieran Trippier took questions from a reporter about how the England squad was spending their free time at the World Cup.

"It's more [the video game] Fortnite," he answered. "We've got a good squad on there; we've got about 9 players who play it. Everybody's competitive on there and it's exciting. We have a lot of banter."

But according to Dele Alli, Kieran's one-time teammate at England, the Newcastle man's shooting skills left a lot to be desired.

"Kieran joined Fortnite when we had all been playing for a while, and it was the first time he had played with a controller ... so if you tell him to press X, he wouldn't know which was X," Dele said.

How embarrassing for you, Tripps.

Along with Dele — who has even more time for video games now that he's been dropped from the national squad — England striker Harry Kane is pretty proficient at Fortnite. As is fellow England star Marcus Rashford.

Judging by Dele's comment, they're both better than Kieran.

Of course, no one compares to the master of Fortnite himself, Mesut Ozil. The former Arsenal man clocked "an ungodly amount of hours on Fortnite," enough that his excessive gaming led to back injury.

Mesut regularly live streamed on Twitch and was even rumored to be breaking into the professional gaming space.

Beyond Fortnite, plenty of footballers also play FIFA.

In 2018, Liverpool striker Mohamed Salah admitted to playing both Playstation 4 and FIFA 18. "I pass the ball to myself," he said.

A slight aside: Mo thinks a lot of himself on Fantasy Premier League (FPL). In a 2023 interview with The Premier League, Mo explained that he captains himself every season, all season. And if fans are smart, they'll do the same.

"I get the most points almost every season," Mo said. He also believes he gets the most goals, the most assists, and the most bonus points.

Well, he's definitely the most humble.

Salah: I captain myself in FPL all season!

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For players like Mo, Mesut, Dele, Kieran, Harry, Marcus etc., a second career as a gamer isn't a far off prospect.

Not only that, but it's lucrative. TIME breaks down all the way gamers can make money on Twitch — from brand deals and partnerships to subscriptions.

So if you don't see your favorite player on "Premier League Update" after they retire, be sure to check their Twitch channels.

You know Mesut is already there.