9 of the boldest claims about the 2024-25 season

Guess who's back back, back again. Premier League's back, tell a friend.

The English Premier League makes its triumphant return to your TV today, and this coming season promises to be just as bonkers good as last season. Why?

The newly promoted teams – Southampton, Ipswich, and Leicester – are miles better than last year's bottom three, who left the bar lying on the ground.

The mid-tier sides are arguably better than they've ever been, with many of them capable of beating the Top 6 teams. The old adage, "no easy games in the Premier League," has never felt truer.

Last year's dominant trio of Manchester City, Arsenal, and Liverpool remain formidable, with the latter two especially hungry for silverware.

In short, there's going to be drama aplenty to fill the void that appeared ever since you finished bingeing your way through ... whatever you like to watch.

Now, there are plenty of predictions swirling regarding how this season will likely play out. In anticipation of 3PM EST today – kickoff, y'all! – buckle up for some of the boldest claims out there.

Leicester City FC to win the league

Leicester City last won the EPL in 2016 – an outcome so unlikely that English pundit Gary Lineker vowed early on to host "Match of the Day" in his undies if the Foxes did indeed come through.

The dearth of memes depicting Gary in his boxers is, quite frankly, a travesty, but you can watch Mr. Lineker's presentation on YouTube if you like.

Anyway, it now seems highly outlandish to bet big on Leicester City. Star man Jamie Vardy is 37 years old, which means even copious amounts of Red Bull might not cut it.

Plus, Leicester City have lost stalwart Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall to Chelsea, and Leicester's preseason showing was dismal at best.

Enzo Maresca will be the first head coach to get canned

Managing a squad in the Premier League is one of the most volatile jobs out there. Many head coaches don't last a full season, some are axed without merit, and you can bet there's no Performance Improvement Plan (PIP) à la corporate America.

Enzo Maresca inherits a Chelsea squad that's overstuffed, unbalanced, and probably just as confused as we are. Who's starting? More importantly, who's even on the team?!

On paper, Chelsea are brimming with talent. But finding a way for such a weird surplus of players to mesh together and actually produce quality, attacking football is a totally different story.

Given that Chelsea's billionaire owners have even less patience with their managers than a Bachelor lead does with their "true love," how long do you really think Enzo will last?

The boldest part about this claim is betting Enzo will be the first manager to go.

Ipwsich Town will stay up

The last time Ipswich was in the Premier League, Britney Spears was singing "I'm A Slave 4 U" at the VMAs with a yellow boa snake wrapped around her neck.

It's taken the Tractor Boys more than two decades to reclaim their former glory. And history tells us that newly promoted teams often go right back down to the Championship.

So, do Ipswich have what it takes to stay up? Meh.

I can tell you what they do have in their corner, though: a Grammy-award-winning pop powerhouse named Ed Sheeran. And that's not nothing! I can totally see Ed crashing a locker room pep talk, serenading the Tractor Boys with his dulcet tones, and thus spurring them to victory.

Alexa, play "Shape of You" on repeat.

West Ham will challenge for Europe

Like their London neighbors Chelsea, West Ham have opened up their pocketbooks and gone full Rebecca Bloomwood at a sale, just like in that movie "Confessions of a Shopaholic."

That is to say, they've bought lots of new players.

We're talking Max Kilman, Aaron Wan-Bissaka, and that dude who scored for Germany in the 2024 Euros, Niclas Fullkrug. Not to mention, former manager David Moyes finally took himself and his rumpled tracksuits home for a well-deserved cup of tea, so Julen Lopetegui has taken the reins.

Last year, West Ham was very much a middle-of-the-pack team, but their new manager and new players could see them challenge for Europe in 2025.

Newcastle to get top 4

You guys have heard Eddie Howe and the Toon Army bemoan their injuries for the better part of 9 months. In the 2023-24 season, they were equally likely to score 6 goals in a game as they were to play lackluster footy that left them exposed at the back. Because, injuries!

Well, now everyone's healthy again and striker Isak – a personal favorite of mine – is looking stronger and better than ever.

The likes of Anthony Gordon, Jacob Murphy, Joelinton, and Bruno Guimaraes mean Newcastle will have dynamic attacking options. Plus, the return of 'keeper Nick Pope restores them to full strength. Will they qualify for Champion's League in 2025? We'll see.

Emile Smith-Rowe to win Premier League Young Player of the Season

Emile Smith-Rowe, a graduate of Arsenal's much-esteemed Hale End Academy, was traded to Fulham in July. Emile is an incredible player, but injuries have prevented him from making a mark on Arsenal's first-team squad.

To me, he'll always be a Gunner at heart, and I'd love to see him to succeed at Fulham.

But competition for the Premier League's Young Player of the Season is tough!

Remember this guy?^^

Darwin Nunez to get golden boot

LOL. This one is just so funny.

I imagine that to a 'keeper, the sight of Mohamed Salah sprinting down the pitch is terrifying. But Darwin Nunez? Not so much.

In 2023 - 2024, Darwin missed the second most Big Chances (27) to Erling Haaland's 32. However, Haaland also scored 27 goals in the Premier League last season, while Darwin scored 11.

But maybe this season will be different?

Kim Kardashian to start dating a Premier League player

Remember when Kim Kardashian was sniffing around the likes of Arsenal's Bukayo Saka and Eddie Nketiah?

Kim is single now – that we know of, anyway. And exempting her brief marriage to Kris Humphries, the reality star generally displays good taste in athletes (see: Reggie Bush). Upon realizing that Arsenal really is the best team out there, what's to stop her jetting across the pond and hanging out at London Colney?

Oof. We must protect Saliba at all costs.

Arsenal to win the Premier League

Speaking of Arsenal, is this the year we finally vanquish our (blue) demons and lift the trophy? I think YES.

Get ready to welcome the 2024-2025 season! And good luck to any sides you support.