Your Update: Gameweeks 28 & 29

Hello!

Did anyone notice that this week, 18-year-old Brazilian/Real Madrid superstar Endrick went to tag his wife in a photo on IG, but tagged Arsenal's Gabriel Martinelli instead?

And Gabby Martinelli responded?

It's giving hot mess and it's a vibe I've been embracing recently.

In other news, this was a big two weeks in our household as my two-year-old attended her first "Soccer Shots" session, and Arsenal cruised to a second consecutive spot in the Champion's League quarterfinals.

Oh and and there's the teeny-tiny, itty-bitty matter of Newcastle making history by winning their first major domestic trophy in 70 years.

HOWAY THE LADS!

Fun fact: I'm obviously a Gooner but my brother supported Newcastle as a kid. I remember his Newcastle FC blanket and framed, signed photo of the 2000-01 squad to this day.

That little Geordie fan of yesteryear (and my whole family) rejoiced this past weekend as Newcastle beat Liverpool in the Carabao Cup Final and ended a 70-year silverware drought in spectacular style.

Please allow me to set the scene.

Newcastle haven't won a domestic trophy since 1955. In the ensuing decades, they've played in 5 cup finals and lost all of them.

This included a 2023 Carabao Cup final loss to Manchester United, a game in which defender Dan Burn played. Dan is a 6'6" behemoth who has supported Newcastle since he was a boy.

[Pics or it didn't happen.]

Ahead of that cup final, Dan's dad wrote him an emotional open letter in which he spoke at length about how proud he was of his son.

Here's a snippet to give you the idea.

Now, like I said, Newcastle lost that final.

But fast forward to this past weekend's cup final against Liverpool–more specifically, the 45th minute of the match–when Dan Burn leapt up to head an absolute missile of a ball in from long range.

It was Newcastle's first goal at Wembley, England's home stadium, since 1976.

It was a goal that, upon watching the highlights, my husband and I both turned to each other and said, "Talk about a header!"

And it was a goal that Liverpool manager Arne Slot described as unlike any other. He said,

"I have never seen in my life a player from that far away heading a ball with that force into the far corner. Credit to him. Few players can score a goal from that distance with his head."

And Dan's dad, his brother, and the rest of his family were there in the stadium to watch him make history.

Clearly, I've spent too long scrolling through socials and absorbing fans' emotion, because I too am weeping.

But moments like these remind us why we watch football. This is why we love it.

Your UCL Update

Liverpool's Carabao Cup Final was especially brutal because it came on the heels of a pivotal loss in the Champion's League.

You may remember that two weeks ago, Liverpool beat PSG 1-0 in Paris. So, bookies favored the Reds to move forward to the quarterfinals given they were already up on aggregate, and were playing the second leg at home.

PSG led early, thanks to Ousmane Dembele's goal, and Liverpool never quite caught up. The game was tied. It went to extra time. Then more extra time. Then, penalties.

PSG's penalties were excellent. And PSG 'keeper Gianluigi Donnarumma was the deserved hero of the day after saving both Darwin Nunez and Curtis Jones' penalties.

Liverpool won the extended group stage and were favorites to win the entire tournament. This was the first time in history that Reds were knocked out of a European competition after winning the first leg away from home.

Poor Mo Salah was in tears after the final whistle.

And social media had a field day.

But while Liverpool is now out of Europe, the two other English teams still in the competition, Aston Villa and Arsenal, progressed to the quarterfinals.

On May 8, Arsenal face Real Madrid in their biggest test yet. Aston Villa will play PSG.

What's up with Cole Palmer?

Cole "Cold" Palmer (aka Chilly) scored 26 goals and had 13 assists in the 2023-24 season. He was the biggest story of the football calendar year, even bigger than some Viking dude named Erling.

But, especially in the second half of this season, Chilly has looked mortal. The man with the Premier League's worst haircut (yes, even worse than Erling) has just 2 goals and zero assists in 2025.

He didn't even appear in last weekend's game against Arsenal, the second consecutive year he's ducked out of the Emirates game. (Something about a muscle injury, but we all know the real story.)

Chelsea manager Enzo Maresca keeps insisting that he's not concerned with Chilly's drop-off in form. He said,

"I’m not concerned about Cole because he is a human being. During the season, he can have some moments where he is struggling a little bit more. ... The problem with Cole is probably that we rely on him for everything. I said since we started that we need to rely on the team."

But still, I kinda feel like Chelsea need Chilly firing on all cylinders if they're going to clinch a top 4 spot. Who else is going to step up? Cucurella?

I recently read a whole article in which a sports psychologist weighed in on Chilly's recent performances and suggested potential steps he can take to break out of his slump. I retained exactly none of it. Lots of manifesting and visualization TBH.

But I do know this. Slumps are a natural part of football. Chilly's going to get back to his best self–it just may take a little time.

The Race for Europe

The title race may not be as exciting this year, but with just 5 points separating 4th place and 10th place, it's a dog-eat-dog world out there.

After 29 weeks to remember, Nottingham Forest sit third behind Arsenal. They're on course to qualify for the Champion's League for the first time since 1980. With all my heart, I hope they outlast the likes of Chelsea and Man City.

Bournemouth and Brighton are both in the mix, while Fulham has been incredible. Last weekend, they beat Tottenham at Craven Cottage with two spectacular late goals–and for once, they weren't scored by somebody named Harry Wilson.

There's some sort of complicated situation in which the top five English Premier teams could qualify for Champion's League. As I understand, it's dependent on how the English teams perform in the current campaign. But I also need somebody to explain it to me like I'm a toddler.

All this to say, there's a LOT still at stake for our favorite players. May their boots be clean, their pitches manicured, their (goalscoring) aim true, and may the odds be ever in their favor.

Unless they play for Tottenham.

Other things you might have missed:

• VARdrid at it again after controversially beating Atletico Madrid on penalties in the Champion's League (I've literally never seen a penalty be given and then taken away right afterwards...)
• Leicester reaching a new low after losing to Manchester United 0-3 at home. Poor Ruud was close to tears after another awful showing by the Foxes
• Arsenal's Myles Lewis-Skelly getting a call from Thomas Tuchel (or so he thought), and answering the phone only to realize that it was Uber Eats outside with his Mom's dinner. All good though–our Academy bro did indeed get the call-up to the England squad, and he's currently at training camp with the Three Lions